Enduring Connection
A Transformative Approach to Grief Reveals How Bonds with Loved Ones May Continue After Loss
In the evolving field of grief therapy, where language often struggles to capture the depth of loss, a quieter shift is underway—one that challenges long-held assumptions about what it means to heal. At the center of that shift is Induced After-Death Communication (IADC) Therapy, and one of its leading voices, practitioner and trainer César Valdez.The approach was developed by Dr. Allan Botkin, a clinical psychologist whose work in the 1990s began to reshape how unresolved grief could be addressed.
Dr. Botkin’s passing in February came as “a little bit of a shock to our community,” Valdez says, recalling a mentor whose steady presence and deep reverence for the work shaped those around him. “It’s a beautiful opportunity to honor his legacy and to rededicate ourselves to our commitment to bringing his work forward into the world.”
That sense of responsibility now takes form in the creation of the IADC International Institute, a more formal structure designed to support training, research and accessibility. For years, the work existed within a largely informal network—held together by shared understanding and trust. But as interest grows, so does the need for a more defined container.
Valdez recalls Botkin’s long-standing hope with quiet clarity: “My deepest wish is that IADC Therapy does not die with me.”
With the institute taking shape, Valdez says, “I feel really confident that his legacy will live on.”
A Brief, Focused Approach to Grief
At first glance, IADC Therapy stands apart simply by how little time it requires. Most clients complete the work in two extended sessions—each lasting about 90 minutes. But the brevity is not a shortcut. It reflects a different understanding of how grief can be processed.
“It’s a very unusual approach for grief,” Valdez says, describing a method that focuses on “the efficient processing and metabolizing of sadness.”
The therapy draws from Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), a psychotherapy that uses guided eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation to help the brain process and integrate distressing experiences. In IADC Therapy, those same mechanisms are applied with precision, directing attention toward the emotional core of loss.
Clients begin by speaking about the person they have lost—not to recount facts, but to access the emotional imprint of that relationship. From there, the work moves quickly into deeper territory.
“We’re asking clients to set aside any management strategies that they ordinarily implement to contain their sadness and instead to just feel the fullest expression of it,” Valdez explains.
The experience can be intense. Yet within that intensity, something begins to shift. As the nervous system processes what has long been held, the emotional charge often softens—sometimes more quickly than clients expect.
When Grief Shifts into Connection
As that intensity begins to settle, something less predictable can emerge. Not as a goal, and not as a guarantee—but often enough to be recognized as part of the landscape of the work.
“In the majority of cases, many clients will experience a very vivid sense of connection with their deceased loved one,” Valdez says.
The distinction is important. The therapy is designed to make that experience possible, while remaining grounded in the processing and transformation of grief. As the weight of sadness lifts, many describe a shift that feels less like letting go and more like rediscovering a sense of presence—an experience that emerges through the work rather than being forced or promised.
Valdez does not define that experience for his clients. “We really leave it up to the experiencer to determine what they make of the experience,” he says.
Most understand it as spiritual. Others see it as a function of the brain. But across interpretations, the effect often converges in a similar place: a reduction in the feeling of separation, and the emergence of what Valdez describes as a “sense of loving connection.”
An Unexpected Beginning
The origins of IADC Therapy are as understated as they are unusual. In the early 1990s, while working with veterans at a Veterans Affairs hospital in Chicago, Botkin began making small adjustments to standard EMDR protocol—seeking more effective ways to help clients process trauma.
What followed was not anticipated.
Clients began reporting vivid encounters with deceased individuals—experiences that seemed to bring immediate relief from long-standing grief. Within a short span of time, these moments repeated with striking consistency.
“He had about six clients that had this experience,” Valdez says. “And he thought, ‘What is going on here?’”
Botkin responded not with assumption, but with inquiry. He returned to his notes, identified the changes he had made and began applying them intentionally. The results continued. Over time, the approach took shape as induced after-death communication.
A Personal Turning Point
Valdez’s own introduction to the work came not through theory, but through experience.
In 2008, during an early session in his practice, he was working with a client using EMDR. The focus was a long-standing conflict between the client and his deceased mother—an unresolved relationship that had begun to surface in his parenting.
As the session unfolded, something unexpected occurred. The client reported sensing his mother’s presence. What followed deepened into what felt like communication, accompanied by a profound emotional shift—one marked by forgiveness, understanding and a sense of resolution.
“When the session ended, he left the office just sort of beaming, and I’d never seen anything like that before,” Valdez recalls.
The experience stayed with him. Within weeks, he learned of IADC Therapy and enrolled in a training with Botkin. What began as curiosity became a defining direction.
Evolving the Understanding of Grief
As interest in IADC Therapy expands, Valdez is clear about what is changing—and what is not.
“The protocol itself has not evolved,” he says. “We are still conducting and teaching IADC Therapy very much in accordance with Dr. Botkin’s vision.”
What has shifted is the structure surrounding it. The creation of the institute reflects a move toward standardization, ensuring consistency in training while supporting a growing body of research.
It also reflects a broader cultural change.
“Grief itself is no longer relegated to a quiet, secret conversation,” Valdez notes.
Alongside that shift is a deeper evolution in how loss itself is understood. Where earlier models emphasized accepting permanent separation, the field increasingly recognizes the importance of ongoing connection.
“I’ve come to really appreciate just how important that is,” he says. “To continue having a living relationship with their deceased loved ones.”
Through repeated experience with clients, that understanding becomes something lived—less an idea than a reality many come to feel for themselves.
A More Profound Understanding of Healing
For those living with grief, the work points to something both simple and difficult: the willingness to feel what has been held at a distance. In that space, Valdez says, healing begins—not by erasing loss, but by transforming how it is carried.
Even without a vivid experience of connection, most people find a softening, a shift in the weight they have been holding. And for many, something more emerges—a sense, however they understand it, that the bond has not ended.
What remains, again and again, is the possibility of movement—away from the sharp edge of separation and toward something steadier, more integrated. In that movement, grief does not disappear. But it changes. And in that change, many begin to find not only relief, but a renewed sense of connection that endures.
Individuals seeking support can explore IADC Therapy, review emerging research and access a growing directory of trained practitioners, with a screening process available to help determine if the approach is a good fit. Therapists—whether trained in EMDR or not—can pursue specialized training in IADC Therapy, as the Institute works to expand access and compassionate support for those navigating grief at iadcinstitute.com.
